Most people look forward to Christmas, when all the children are home, there are Christmas trees and gifts. Some folk look forward to birthdays, or perhaps wedding anniversaries.
Me, I look forward to the First of April !!
They say small things amuse small minds, well, that much I must admit is true, I revel in April Fools jokes. I love them, I spend all year planning pranks from the second of April onwards.
Needless to say my poor family hates April Fools Day with as much passion as I love it. They of course are usually the butt of my jokes and they all start getting nervous round about now.....
What on earth is mother going to do this year they groan....
No one, friends and relatives alike, comes to visit us on April the First. No one ever asks for a cup of tea on the First of April, having been through the old "enos fruit salts in the sugar basin routine".
He Who Must Be Obeyed is especially wary on April The First, he always inspects the loo very carefully having been subjected to the old "cling wrap over the toilet bowl" joke.
She Who Must Run writes big notes on her diary on the First of April, preparing herself for her idiotic Mum's pranks. She answers the phone with great caution and would not believe anyone, talk to anyone, listen to anyone who even remotely is connected with her misguided mother.
She Who Must Wear Kevlar has inherited her mothers rather perverted sense of humour and has all the makings of a prankster which fills me will motherly pride !!
Even He Who Must Be Obeyed's office staff are wary on this fun filled day, no one takes calls from the tax man, the blood transfusion centre, the sales tax office or the Labour Relations Office or the C.I.O. on this day....
If you see a car driving around with an egg box balancing precariously on the roof on April The First, you can be sure there is a blond fool with a corny sense of humour behind the wheel.
My Piece De Resistance Prank was of course, the year He Who Must Be Obeyed had the temerity to complain about my housekeeping once, when I served him a stale cheese roll for lunch one day.
The cheek of it, I always manage to sandwich his luncheon requirements in successfully between tennis and bridge every day.
So determined to effect revenge on him, I placed an advert in the Chronicle for a housekeeper with special qualities.
"Busy executive requires housekeeper to manage busy household, must be able to cater for the demands of an energetic and fiery teenage daughter, must be compatible with the needs of a surly, grumpy parrot with a beak like a hawk. Must be able to cook gourmet meals for a party of 35 with an hours notice" You know, the average day in the life of the average Zimbabwe executive..." and of course I put his cell phone number in the advert.
The first call came at 5.45 a.m...... and they came.... and they came... all day long until he changed his cell phone number..... but... he got the last laugh.
To my absolute chagrin he came home with a beautiful 18 year old blond in tow.... and said she had applied for the job...... and undoubtedly had the best qualifications.........Sniff.....
Does anyone know of any April Fools jokes for me for this year that will not backfire on me ?