Morning Mirror Edition 111 - 18/10/2004



In this edition

Smalls


THE DENIM JEANS BRIGADE


They call the denim jean the "modern day corset "!!

Gone are the days in which one had to suffer through the horrifying tortures of the "two way" or the "slenderella", as corsets used to be named affectionately .....

Well, maybe not affectionately.... I remember an aunt who had an appliance made out of rubber, rather like those rubber shower mats you get in hotels to stop you from slipping.!! It was made of tubular rubber about 18 inches in length, and you had to actually climb inside the darn thing.

Well climb is probably the wrong word to use, squeeze, squirm, squelch your way inside, would be more appropriate choice of words !!

It helped to lather the inside of the corset with talcum powder to make the adipose tissue more sensuously slithery, more malleable and less resistant. The purpose of this machine of indescribable torture was to shape the body - miraculously transform a rather matronly figure into an hourglass shape, holding all the quivering flesh tight and firm and creating a rather more curvaceous arrangement of one's flesh.

Lets face it, the desired effect was to look...well...slimmer. But unfortunately that was not the case.

For a start, the corset needed to be manufactured out of some sort of nuclear withstanding compound that could only have emanated from NASSA. To cope with the battering that the corset took, the grappling with every ounce of strength a gal had, the abuse sustained by struggling fingers and thumbs.

The stubborn body armour needed to be coaxed, nay, bludgeoned over those quivering thunder thighs, grappled desperately past the multitudinous love handles, to sink thankfully and gratefully over the quivering gelatinous belly and then to be coerced even further across the dreaded midriff bulge.....

It was a labour of love, a heaving, sweating, extraordinarily exhausting labour of love.

And to what end I hear you ask ? Well for beauty of course, for vanity, for pride. Imagine how magnificent Aunty now looked, her gargantuan size was now successfully reduced from a size 22 to a size 20 (around the hips that is) because what Aunty did not realise , and what we all failed dismally to tell Aunty, was that her hips may have reduced in size, but all that flesh had to go somewhere, and now her ample bosom looked the size of a block of flats !!!

To say nothing of her knees !!!

It was pure weight displacement, nothing else, poor Aunty, she was totally exhausted but in vain oblivion to her plight, and one thing was for sure, NOONE was going to enlighten her !!

My goodness, that was a long preamble, what I was really trying to tell you girls, is that the corset as Aunty knew it, has now made way for the much more alluring denim jean brigade......

It is a miracle is it not ? The jeans strain pleasantly over the vast derrière, it is probably an optical illusion but the butt possibly looks a tad smaller......but HOLD ON.....what has happened to the size of our knees !!!!

And why do I have difficulty in breathing, is it because my midriff is now tucked uncomfortably but securely under my solar plexus.

Ah Vanity ... thy name is Woman...... but grateful thanks to Mr Levi !!


Bulawayo Trees:
boabab
JACARANDAS
It was interesting to read Stan's article last week on Jacarandas, their blossoms and weather forecasts. I wonder how many people know that the Jacaranda is a Category 3 ALIEN INVADER in South Africa. You're not allowed to sell nor plant them down there.

and WEATHER FORECASTS:
There is a local tree, rather insignificant but fairly common around Bulawayo, Lannea discolour, Isigangatsha or Chizhenje. The belief is that if these bear fruit and retain them until ripe it's going to be a good rainy season. Mine are full of fruit, the first time in the eight years. I'm hoping they ripen.

RAY PERRY 		False Marula : Lannea discolour : Dikbas dikbas
Ack: bushveld.co.za 		dikbas
Ack: bushveld.co.za





THE JACARANDAS ARE BLOOMING ! True - and what a 'blooming' nuisance they are ! Many's the times I am tempted, and often succumb right now to that temptation, to use something stronger than 'blooming'.

I suppose one jacaranda on a corner in Suburbs 'might' be OK as a nice sight to look at but a couple of elderly trees on your plot are NOT fun. One of my old jacarandas has an offspring which has a purple (jacaranda flowers are not purple) bougainvillaea growing amongst it and right now is a very attractive picture - but it's a picture I can well do without it.

Right now the 'B' jacarandas are showering the whole place with dead flowers and not a bit of shade from the blazing heat is provided by the tree. At least that other 'exotic' (non-native) tree of many faults, the syringa, had the decency to produce some leaves weeks back and now gives some shade. Have you noticed the reverse of this in autumn, when it is nice to get a bit of sun the 'blooming' J is full of leaves and keeps you in unwanted shade whilst the equally maligned syringa got shot of leaves with the first chill and lets the weak bit of sun that there is shine through. And then when the 'B' jacaranda does shed it's leave - what a mess. But back to the present. Those picturesque flowers are now spread all over, they are sticky, they get on your shoes and end up in the house, however much you try to keep them out. If you are lucky enough to afford a gardener (which I am not) it will take him forever to keep these flowers at bay. In the veggy garden I can't see the, hopefully, emerging tomato seedlings for the thick cover of the 'B' jacaranda flowers on the ground - why can't they stay up there on the tree? Then there are the bees and wasps that love to check out these flowers for pollen, or whatever, and they get cross when disturbed as I make my legitimate way around the garden. The spreading roots are another thing altogether - they have cost my neighbour a fortune in keeping our dividing wall upright whilst the insidious underground tendrils fight to upset it ! If it is true that this 'B' jacaranda thing flowers twice a year in its native South America I can only express my sympathy with the South Americans - it's no wonder that they exported them to the gullible southern Africans. I would certainly go along with having the 'B' jacaranda disposed of a noxious weed, as I believe it is considered now in RSA. Sure it is a tree and they are needed. But within reason. That shrub known as the 'cherry pie' looks nice in hedge but it is a noxious weed because it is fatal to young cattle. That 'cabbage weed' thing was just a 'nice' water plant but it came close to destroying our water ways. The rabbit is a 'nice' fluffy thing as a pet but ask the Aussies about them ! Living things need to stick to their right homes and not be introduced to places where they don't belong. Whatever you might think of the 'B' jacaranda it is one thing I will not miss as HEWHO CATLOHPITFS - He who can't live on his pension in this failed state of Zimbabwe. Like so may others I will soon be forced to go back to the place I came from as a young kid 50 years ago. It will be nice to see pictures or TV films of the jacarandas and the really beautiful mopani (an indigenous tree) on the road from Inyanga to Juliasdale (if you haven't seen that display you can't imagine the browns, yellows and all shades in between of this fair land). But needs must drive and the aesthetics of Zimbabwe will not replace the economic disaster that it now is.

email: m@edwoods.freeserve.co.uk
phone: 02072320312


I came across your web site and was very touched to see my late dad Eric Edwoods in your article. I think he would be pleased that he is remembered for his music ( old rubbish)
Thanks
Matthew Edwoods ; London

name: Alan Prince
email: alanp88@bigpond.net.au
phone: (02) 9729 0401


Grew up in Sby and joined BSAP in 60's.and Stationed in Matabeleland Dist. Was looking on Web for articles/info on Tjolotjo,Chirundu and also Essexvale where your site came up. Like many over here in Australia miss Rhod but just get on with things. Hope your site keeps going. Enjoyed reading it. Hope things are going OK for you, keep well,

Alan Prince

PASSPORT NEWS

Travelling on a British passport, I have discovered that although certain passports do not need visas for the USA, ones passport needs to be "swipe friendly" i.e. a bar code must be added to the passport at the embassy.

This needs to be done by end October 2004 !!

CONGRATULATIONS



FALLON nee Booysen
Norman and Kathy proudly announce the arrival of a big Kiwi treasure, Jacob, all 9lbs 3oz of him. Dad delighted at his All Black, Mom, I suspect, relieved it is over.

CONGRATULATIONS TO MIKE HARVEY AND TREVOR WILLIAMS WHO MADE THE FINALS OF THE INTERNATIONAL SQUASH TOURNAMENT HELD IN BULAWAYO RECENTLY. ALSO WELL DONE TO LANGTON NYATHI WHO WON THE MENS FINALS PLATE !!

CONDOLENCES

With Deepest Sympathy to the families of the following



TIDBITS



St. Theresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom
to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of you.


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